The Collegiate Laws of Life Essay Contest asked Penn State Students to explore ethical values and intercultural issues, and their talent for expressing their views in writing.
Below, you will find the second place essay from Alison Goldberg, responding to the prompt:
“What you think, you become.” ~Mahatma Gandhi.
The Paterno Fellows Program hopes to provide an “education for leadership” and to help students develop ethical principles. What is your personal honor code?
Finding Growth in Discomfort
By: Alison Goldberg
My personal honor code in trying to become a better leader is to constantly challenge my personal beliefs through learning and empathizing with others unlike myself, and to reflect on those experiences. Early on in my leadership roles at Penn State, including Students Engaging Students and the Service Trips Planning Team, I found myself cringing at meetings, tapping my feet, rolling my eyes, and inwardly criticizing others. I was angry and impatient, and I could feel my negativity overwhelming those around me and myself. I had expectations of others that they weren’t meeting – and I wasn’t willing to change my expectations. Then my education took a turn, and so did my mindset.
In my four years at Penn State as a Paterno Fellow, my belief of what it means to be a good leader has completely evolved thanks to my education through courses, clubs, and my study abroad experiences. My personal honor code began shaping when I went on my first Alternative Spring Break in Rural Appalachia. When I met the other 20 Penn Staters participating, I thought I’d pin pointed them the first day. The sorority girls, the church boy, the computer kid – I had them figured out. Then a few days passed, and I got to know hardworking, complicated friends – some grew up with economic struggles, others with tough family situations, others had trouble fitting in with American culture. We were all Penn Staters, but with so much diversity I could have never imagined. It was only after I got to hear their stories and their beliefs, many of which I didn’t agree with, that I could finally understand where they were coming from. In understanding them as individuals, not as stereotypes, I was finally able to let some of my anger and impatience fade away.
In that week I was exposed to challenging situations and beliefs that I disagreed with. But in our discussions, I learned to be okay with others not thinking like myself, and to actually desire those opposing beliefs. In hearing those beliefs my eyes began to open to a world outside of myself – a world where things are not so black-and-white, where people are complicated and confusing and constantly changing, as I was. And in that way I learned to change the way I lead others, and my own life. I recognized my growth in discomfort – in learning to have challenging conversations, in learning what it felt like to be a minority – I grew more in that one week than I had in years. But as the week came to an end, I had to find ways to continue my growth, and to keep meeting populations that I did not understand. I engrained this idea in the rest of my education – I became an RA, where I got to meet students from all walks of life and learned how not to judge and to constantly support them. I went to clubs I knew nothing about and where I was the minority – like African Association dinner, stand-up club, or swing dance club. I studied abroad and lived with a woman who didn’t speak English. I pushed myself to be uncomfortable, nervous, and excited to try these new things, and I could feel myself learning and accepting others more with each experience.
I then had to figure out ways to transform this ideology into my leadership roles, and use it to change the way I led others. I decided first to not get frustrated easily when things weren’t done my way – I’ve stopped assuming that someone isn’t trying, and instead take the time to talk to them, figure out where the miscommunication is, and get to know them personally. I find time after time that the issue is not that people don’t care, but rather, that every person has a story, and sometimes those stories become messy and can affect someone’s ability to execute. I also value my ability to push others to challenge themselves. When a liaison is struggling with a task, instead of telling them what to do, I ask them to take a step back and reflect. Why are they struggling? Then I let them formulate their own plan to succeed. And next time the same task comes up, I give it to that same person again, and ask them to step up and show what they’ve learned. I’m hoping that my want to challenge my beliefs, find growth in discomfort, and empathize with others will make me the kind of leader others want to learn from. My education in and out of the classroom has undoubtedly shaped my ethical principles of not judging others, and trading in hatred for empathy and seeing the growth that can result in yourself and others in the way you lead.